You're nicked!

Re-launch

2007-11-26T22:54:00.000Z

Folks

I'm coming back - but I've moved to WordPress.

Could you regular readers please change your sidebars and subscription settings to

http://stanstill.wordpress.com/

Thanks folks.

Career break

2007-07-18T11:20:00.000+01:00

I've come to a decision.

I know this isn't the sort of thing that prospective Inspectors are supposed to do, but eventually the bullet has to be bitten.

I've decided to lay this blog to rest - for a while anyway.

Before you ask, I haven't been threatened, persuaded or advised by any third party. I've made this decision without consultation or coercion, based on purely personal reasons. Fear of retribution is not even a factor. As far as I am aware, only one person in my force knows my true identity and I can trust that person to keep my online persona under wraps.

The main reason is that I don't feel that the blog is achieving much. I made a conscious decision at the start of the blog of making sure I couldn't be identified, so I don't write about cases I've dealt with or people I've worked with. Not even in general terms. I've mainly commented on affairs in the public domain or things that affect us all, police and public alike.

Fellow bloggers, who are too numerous to mention but are probably on the sidebar, have developed their style and are making points in a much better way than I ever could. I will continue to comment on their contributions and bask in their reflected glory. "Typical of a supervisor" as some disgruntled PCs would say.

I feel that I can have more input and influence in the Police Oracle forum, where I hold the exalted position of Moderator. If you want to read my thoughts and opinions, then that is where you will find them.

Thanks to all those who have read my words over the past couple of years and more thanks to those who have been bothered to respond. This also extends to those anonymous loons who left bizarre and abusive comments. They made me laugh so much I forgot to press the 'delete' button on a number of occasions.

The blog will stay online, but I won't be posting here in the foreseeable future, so if you are a first time visitor, I wouldn't bother subscribing if I were you.

Be careful out there!

Testing

2007-06-15T12:29:00.001+01:00

I'm playing with Windows Live Writer to see how it works with Blogger. It's still in Beta at present, but I'll try most things once.

Result

2007-06-12T22:05:00.000+01:00

OSPRE Part 2

In the bag!

I've found the answer

2007-06-04T23:48:00.000+01:00

According to the BBC, there are over 758,000 surplus places at schools in England.

That's almost ten times the number of prison places in this country.

So why don't the government spend a little bit of money on redistributing kids to fill up some schools and the ones that are emptied could be converted into prisons? After all, most teenagers will tell you that their school is like a prison anyway.

How old do you feel?

2007-05-27T23:13:00.000+01:00

The other day, a thought crossed my mind that made me realise how time is passing.

In a few years time, I will have been in this job longer than some of the people who are joining have been alive.

That makes me feel old!

Doctor Who the legal rep

2007-05-27T23:11:00.000+01:00

OK - I admit it. The title of this post is a blatant attempt to increase the likelihood of a hit from a search engine, but I think it is justified.

The next paragraph will also contain a couple of references that will generate a few links from Google.

For the benefit of those of you out there who read this blog who may at some point in the future find themselves in police custody. Can I point out to you that no police force in this country has possession of a Tardis type police box? Nor when you go into custody will it resemble the transporter room from the Starship Enterprise.

The reason I tell you this is to allow you to avoid the embarrassing situation of you going into the custody area and demanding to see a solicitor NOW! I've lost count of the number of times some stroppy prisoner rushes up to the desk and insists that they want their brief there immediately. I think they watch too much Eastenders or something.

Unfortunately, we still have to phone the solicitor and they still have to travel by normal land based transport to get to the police station. That's if they even bother to come to you because you may have already annoyed them by demanding that they bring you a packet of fags. (Though there won't be much point doing that soon - come July 1st 2007, no-one will be allowed to smoke in police stations. Blame the Labour government!)

Those of you from the legal profession who pass by here may have seen a way round some of the Carter recommendations. I understand that you won't get paid for your travelling time soon, so perhaps some form of teleportation device or time machine may mitigate some of your losses? It could turn out to be a lucrative little sideline for any Time Lord with a law degree.

Every now and again...

2007-05-24T16:41:00.000+01:00

...you see something that you've seen before, but never really noticed, then suddenly it strikes you that what you're seeing is completely bizarre.

Today for example - I was on the M6 (again!) when I saw two brand new vehicles on the back of a low loader. I've seen similar things before, but today I wondered "Why do they do that?"

The reason I asked myself the question (but couldn't answer it) is that the two brand new vehicles were locomotive units for railway trains.

Why don't they transport these things by rail, when that is what they are designed to be used on?

There must be a good reason why brand new rolling stock is transported by road, but I'm buggered if I can think of one.

I'll leave you to ponder that and other mysteries of the universe for a while.

Don't go away

2007-05-09T10:19:00.000+01:00

You'll have noticed the lack of posts recently and there won't be many for the next week.

The reason? Part Two of the Inspector's promotion exam is imminent and I am (should be) revising and practising how to deal with seven extremely complex situations in exactly thirty five minutes.

I'll let you know how I get on once I've returned to normality. Then I've got to spend less time on here for another reason - I've got my public order refresher course in a few weeks so need to do some exercise. Carrying a plastic shield in a woolly suit and running around for hours in hot sunshine needs a higher level of fitness than I am currently capable of.

Look who's looking

2007-04-24T12:38:00.000+01:00

Like a lot of bloggers, I've got some code on my site that tells me who has been looking. It only tells me the ISP, not your name and address, so don't worry too much.

Some large organisations are able to provide their own internet service, so they are easier to recognise, so it was a pleasant surprise to note that the powers that be are taking an interest in what some of us are saying.

Whether they will actually do anything useful in response remains to be seen.

So by now you are wondering who it is that is looking at this site - if you are a typical nosey copper, you will have already looked at the image, which is a copy from my stats site. PC Bloggs should also take note!

Is it really necessary?

2007-04-23T14:33:00.000+01:00

Hi folks - remember me?

The good weather has had me out in the garden, rather than stuck in front of the computer. I do enough of that at work, as do most police officers these days. It beats getting wet, getting complained at or getting flat feet though.

I've also been revising for the forthcoming Part 2 of the Inspector's promotion exam. I've had enough of filling out claims for overtime and being paid to work on bank holidays and promotion is the best way out of it.

Anyway - back to the title of this post.

Those of you in the job will know that the law changed last year, giving police the power to arrest for virtually any offence, providing that the arresting officer could satisfy him or herself that the arrest was necessary for one or more of a number of reasons. The most commonly used part of the necessity test is to allow for the "prompt and effective investigation of the offence or behaviour of the suspect.

There is apparently a new necessity test. You won't find it in the statute books, but it must exist because it is being used all the time. The unwritten necessity test allows officers to arrest people "where it is necessary to get my performance figures up for this month".

How does this work? Imagine you have been given a crime report for a poxy damage. Due to your workload, this report has been prioritised down to the bottom of your list and is now covered in cobwebs. It keeps popping up for air and you know you've got to do something with it, because it is on the crime system and cannot be deleted (short of taking a large axe to a server or two). This crime report is now five months old and your sergeant is advising you to take some action.

You know who the suspect is. You know where they live. You know that they are going to deny it and there is no independent evidence to counter the suspect's anticipated account, so you know that the chances of getting the report detected are slim to none. So how do you get rid of this report?

Common sense says you go round to the suspect's house, caution them, ask them if they did it, warn them about their language when they reply "F*** off, of course I didn't", then go back to the nick and file the report as undetected.

Performance culture requires you to arrest the suspect, take them to custody, wait for their brief to arrive, have consultation, write out a prepared statement (or rehearse the order of the words "comment" and "no" to ensure that they get it right in the interview) and then go in for a five minute interview. Hopefully, you will have a custody officer with the nouse and backbone to NFA the report, otherwise you have to go through the charade of obtaining CPS advice. The ultimate outcome? The report is filed as undetected, but you have scored one more in the "Arrests this month" column and you have wasted four hours in custody for a no hope job.

The only reason for the arrest is to get an statistic on the sheet. It wasn't necessary, yet up and down the country, these sort of arrests are taking place all the time. Juveniles are being put into the system for a playground spat, because officers are claiming it is "necessary" to arrest them for a minor assault, even though no-one wants to make a complaint, but a crime report has been generated and the pressure is on to get it sorted.

One of these days - and I hope it is soon - someone somewhere is going to challenge the necessity of an arrest. I hope they win. The outcome will be that a new Powerpoint presentation will have to be put together to show officers how it should be done. Never mind a proper training session - that should have been done before the law came into effect but forces couldn't be arsed, so there's no point doing it now.

The necessity test is being abused in order to satisfy the demands of performance management. It isn't providing a better service to the public, in fact it is alienating and criminalising more and more people.

Can we please go back to the old days, where we used to interview some people in our pocket books and report them for summons? It makes life so much easier for the officer on the street and gives them more time to do what they are paid to do - persecute motorists.

I'm back!!

They have really lost the plot now!

2007-03-07T09:44:00.000Z

Sorry I haven't posted for a while - I've been in a mellow mood and nothing has really grabbed my attention to the extent that I felt a post was necessary.

This has changed in the last day or so. A couple of things happened the other day that I will post about in the future, but today, Dr Reid and his crew have really gone to town.

The latest weapon in the fight against illegal immigrants is the SMS. This isn't some highly sophisticated tracking device, or some sensing equipment installed at all ports. No, I refer of course to the humble text message!

The lunatics in charge of the asylum think that sending a text message to someone who has overstayed their welcome in this country will send them scuttling to the nearest airport with bags packed. How the hell will this work?

Consider the situation. You have travelled half way round the world in the bottom of a tea chest, intent on finding the Nirvana that is Britain. You managed to get yourself under a lorry at Calais and now here you are. Alternatively, you may have entered the country perfectly legally, with a little stamp in your passport that says it is OK for you to stay here for a bit, as long as you get out within the next six months or so. After three or four years of no-one from the Immigration Department knocking on your door, life is sweet.

The last thing that either of these people will do is to give the Home Office a ring, just to let them know their new mobile number. "Hi, I've been in the country for three times longer than you said I could be, can you let me know if there is any more money waiting for me at the post office?"

Instead of wasting money and making themselves look like complete prats, Home Office staff should be looking at ways of tightening border controls and taking POSITIVE action to get rid of the money grabbing crooks who come over here on the pretext of claiming political asylum.

I could say more, but if I don't get some sleep very soon, my head is likely to explode into a torrent of extremely nasty abuse directed towards our so-called leaders! They couldn't lead the way out of a phonebox.

Been away

2007-02-17T20:30:00.000Z

To escape the wonderful weather we've been having recently, we took a week off and went abroad. Now suitably thawed out and back home to check what has been happening while I've been away.

Big news is the shooting of a fifteen year old in London. Other bloggers have already had their say - my only comment is that I predict that very soon one of these young "gangstas" will be shot dead by an armed police officer. Guess who will be to blame?

Sorry, no, I have got another comment. What's with all this ANPR and intelligence led stop-check nonsense? Get a Section 60 up on the whole area, flood it with bobbies and search every one aged between 10 and 30 who dares show their face. The law of averages means that eventually they'll turn someone over who is carrying a gun.

On the subject of the behaviour of children and the lack of control of parents. I'm seriously thinking of writing to all the major tour operators to suggest they ban children under 12 from flying. If not, then make the rear section of the plane the child zone and put a soundproof barrier between them and the rest of us who don't want to see kids standing on seats or hear them screaming and moaning for the whole journey.

And what is it that stops parents from taking responsibility for disciplining their own children? During the flight, I heard two different parents threaten their kids with "fetching the pilot" if they didn't behave. Why can't they just tell the little sods to sit still or give them a clip if they don't behave? It's like those parents who threaten their children whenever a police officer walks past (a rare event according to the Daily Telegraph) by saying "he/she'll take you away if you're naughty"

Stopping now - before the post holiday feelgood factor gets wiped away. Back to work soon!

Justice served? - you decide

2007-02-05T14:55:00.000Z

Consider these two cases.

Traders Jail Term Too Harsh

A bloke who has been selling stolen perfume, thereby depriving a huge multinational company of even more money, is sent to prison for three and a half years. This is later reduced on appeal. He was also selling fake watches, which probably told the same time as their genuine, overpriced equivalents. The perfume had been stolen during an armed robbery.

Man Made Indecent Images of Children

A man admits downloading over 2,000 indecent images of young girls. That is over 2,000 victims of some form of sexual assault that is perpetrated in order to satisfy the desires of paedophiles. This man gets a two year supervision order and is put on the Sex Offenders Register for seven years.

What do you lot think?

Report Waste

2007-02-05T14:03:00.000Z

This is not a post about litter, fly-tipping or rubbish dumps.

www.reportwaste.co.uk has been going for quite a while, but it needs a bit of a gee-up.

The site has been set up for members of the Criminal Justice (yes I know it's a contradiction in terms, but I didn't make the name up) system to report waste and bureaucracy that they have encountered in the system.

At the moment, there is a bit of a lack of input. There is also a disproportionate amount of posts blaming the police for waste. Come on guys, get on there and even things up a bit!

Daily Telegraph take up the challenge

2007-02-05T09:44:00.000Z

Regular readers may remember this post, back in January, where I challenged members of the IPCC to have a go at firearms training.

Well, Robert Chesshyre, who is a reporter with the Daily Telegraph, spent some time out on patrol with members of the Metropolitan Police CO19 firearms team.

Robert's account is published on the Daily Telegraph web site and it makes interesting reading if you think that UK firearms officers are a bunch of gung-ho Tackleberrys, popping caps into the asses of bad guys at random.

Some of the highlights of this report include the fact that armed Met officers are called out 40 times a day, yet they only discharge their weapons on average once a YEAR! They are trained to use a weapon and then given more training on how to resolve situations without having to resort to firearms. In the UK in the past 10 years, 25 people have been killed by armed police officers, nine of them in London. Compare this to the 400 people who are shot dead each year in the US.

The article also talks about the number of gang-related shootings in London each week. On one weekend, there were seven reports of people being shot. None of them want to tell the police about it and bring the offenders to justice, instead, the victim gets a gun and goes after their attacker. Yet this doesn't spark outrage in the national press - in fact it rarely makes the news. Of course, if an armed police officer was confronted with one of these gang members wielding a gun and shot them, the incident would immediately become trial by media.

Robert had a go on the simulator and reports on the perceptual distortion that affects even the most experienced of firearms officers. This distortion is a natural result of the stress that the officer is under, but it becomes translated into accusations of fabrication and cover up by the time the lawyers get hold of it in the comfort of their chambers.

Have a read of the article for yourself. I think it puts the whole issue into context.

Red light means danger!

2007-02-02T10:38:00.000Z

There has been a lot of fuss about the use of speed cameras - personally, I think they have been used to replace traffic police and they don't do the job they are supposed to do.

My suggestion is that they are removed, re-configured and replaced as red light cameras.

Speeding in the wrong place and in the wrong conditions is dangerous, but these circumstances vary. Going through red traffic lights, in my opinion, is ALWAYS dangerous.

The roundabout above Junction 10 of the M6 would be the first place I would put red light cameras. If you've ever been there, you'll know that there are traffic lights at every entrance to the roundabout. You only have to go there once or twice to see someone blatantly ignore the red lights and go sailing into danger. Of course, they only do this because the roundabout is on the border of two police areas and no police cars ever seem to go there. If there was a police presence, then people would suddenly remember what the lights are there for. (Same as seatbelts - people "forget" to put them on and suddenly have a memory recall when they see a marked car in the vicinity)

There is a difference between speed limits and traffic lights. The speed limit signs can be obscured, or people can creep over a few miles an hour without noticing and on the whole this won't cause other road users any problems. Red lights are always red, they are stuck on a pole in plain site and even if the light isn't red as you approach, the amber light gives you a chance to stop. Going through red lights is more of a deliberate defiance of traffic law, rather than accidental or unintentional.

Some people pay the ultimate price for their decision to ignore red lights. Here's another case today.

The only people to blame for deaths on level crossings are the ones who ignore red lights and try to beat the 200+ ton train that is bearing down on them. Sometimes, lucky drivers get away with it and on other occasions, stupid drivers cause injury to themselves and others by shooting the lights.

Put cameras at every junction and put a stop to this nonsense!

Sheila's Wheels

2007-02-02T10:10:00.000Z

Putting aside the discriminatory nature of this company's marketing campaign, can I advise people not to insure their cars with Sheila's Wheels? *

You'll have seen the annoying advert, with the three Australian women singing a trashy jingle about women getting cheap insurance, whilst driving through the outback in some nasty pink car.

Next time you look, you'll see that these women are driving on the wrong side of the road (Aussies, like Brits, realise that driving on the left is still a good thing to do) and at one point, the driver takes her hands off the wheel and waves them in the air and takes her eyes off the road.

Not the safest way to drive and if this is the sort of person that this company are encouraging, then your premiums are bound to go up in the near future - keep away from them!

*This post is intended as a humorous observation and is not designed to put people off using this company, despite the fact that they won't let blokes apply. I just wish they would get rid of that bloody song!

The Paper Chase (4)

2007-02-02T09:35:00.000Z

The whole purpose of us locking people up is to put them before the courts.

In order to do this, we have to put together a file of evidence for the Crown Prosecution Service (CPS).

Sounds simple doesn't it? Couple of witness statements, the charge sheets and a few bits of other information.

If only it were so.

The CPS have devised a method of making sure that police officers are kept tucked up safely behind a desk moving bits of paper about. It's called The Manual of Guidance for the Preparation, Processing and Submission of Files. Take a look at the link - you'll love it!

When I first joined, the preparation of files was quite a simple process, even when someone went "not guilty". In those cases, a "full file" has to be submitted, with statements from everyone involved and all the information that the police had on the case. A full file was made up as follows

MG1 - File front sheet - gave details of the accused and the type of offence

MG4 - Charge sheet - the list of offences that the accused is being tried for

MG5 - Case Summary - a synopsis of all the witness statements to provide the prosecutor with a means of avoiding reading all the statements

MG7 - Remand Application - completed if applying to keep the accused in custody

MG9 - Witness List - all the people who have made statements

MG10 - Witness Availability - when witnesses are on holiday, nights or rest day. Particularly useful for the courts to ensure that officers are called to court at the most inconvenient time

MG11 - Witness Statements - from everyone involved in the case, regardless of how trivial their involvement

MG12 - Exhibit List - a list of any physical evidence, not in statement form, such as interview tapes, murder weapons, CCTV tapes and other stuff

MG15 - Record of Interview - a summary of the tape recorded interviews, to remove the need for the CPS to have to listen to police officers try and get a cough.

Sounds quite straightforward and a full file could be knocked out in about an hour, providing the statements were in hand.

This is a quote from the Home Office web site

"The Home Office issued a new edition of the Manual on 23 October 1997 under cover of Home Office Circular 58/1997. The changes to the Manual will reduce paperwork and other tasks that remove police from operational tasks and at the same time should help to improve the quality of case files. The number of forms required has been reduced. The remaining forms have been simplified and improved in consultation with the working group on police information systems."

This is now the list of documents that have to be included in a full file.

MG1 File Front Sheet

MG2 Initial Witness Assessment

MG3 Report to Crown Prosecutor for Charging Decision

MG3A Further Report to Crown Prosecutor for Charging Decision

MG4 Charge Sheet

MG4A Conditional Bail – Grant/Variation

MG4B Request to Vary Conditional Bail

MG4C Surety/Security

MG5 Case Summary

MG6 Case File Information

MG6B Police Officer’s Disciplinary Record

MG6C Police Schedule of Non-sensitive Unused Material

MG6D Police Schedule of Sensitive Material

MG6E Disclosure Officer’s Report

MG7 Remand Application

MG8 Breach of Bail Conditions

MG9 Witness List

MG10 Witness Non-Availability

MG11 Witness Statement

MG12 Exhibit List

MG13 Application for Order on Conviction

MG15 Record of Interview

Now I only managed to get A Level Maths, which may explain why in my opinion, this reduction in the number of forms as stated by the Home Office is actually a significant increase in the number of forms. Perhaps someone with a degree in Pure or Applied Maths can double check my counting and see if I've got it wrong.

All this paper is for the benefit of the CPS - not the police, yet we are the ones who have to get it all together. Then people wonder why there are no bobbies on the beat!

If you've managed to get this far, then I commend you for your patience. I've tried to give a short summary of the paperwork we deal with on a day to day basis. Unfortunately, there is no short summary.

I won't bore you any longer with this and I'll get back to normal moaning and groaning in due course.

The Paper Chase (3)

2007-02-01T08:24:00.000Z

You would think that having a computerised system for recording the details of people brought into custody would mean that paper would be a thing of the past in the custody block, wouldn't you?

Sorry to upset all those tree-huggers out there, but paper is consumed with the same ferocious abandon in this department as well.

Why?

It's a security blanket. Senior officers get very twitchy if something isn't on paper - it's a throwback to the days when everything was submitted on reports and the onset of the computer age has completely removed the need for people to submit reports. However, there are still some people who won't believe what they see on a monitor screen - I think they get it mixed up with their telly!

Anyway. When someone is booked into custody, an electronic custody record is created. This contains details of the arrested person, when, where, why and by whom they were arrested. It also records the health and demeanour of the arrested person and allows custody staff to create contemporaneous electronic records of all interactions involving the detainee.

So if it is all recorded electronically, why is there a need to print everything out? Sometimes in duplicate, triplicate and quadruplicate.

For example - a copy of the custody record is printed out, just in case the computer crashes. There are two sheets that contain the prisoners details and circumstances of the arrest. Copies of these are printed for legal advisors, appropriate adults and anyone else with an interest. Then the machine prints off a Risk Assessment form. Don't know why - never used it. Then there is a list of the prisoner's property, which has to be signed by the prisoner to confirm it is correct. Then a property movement sheet - because the computer system can't record when something is taken out of the property bag.

When someone comes in to custody, they get a booklet explaining their rights and entitlements (unfortunately, no-one has thought to produce a booklet to explain their social and moral responsibilities) and they have to sign a piece of paper to confirm they have been given their booklet and to confirm the decisions they have made. This sheet, which is double sided, could be signed over half a dozen times by the prisoner, dependant on circumstances.

If a person is arrested for a trigger offence (theft, robbery, burglary, certain drug offences) they have to take a Mandatory Drug Test. A six sheet booklet has to be completed, although only one or two pages are of any consequence. Depending on the result, another two or three pages of paper die, together with the numerous copies that have to be sent here and there.

Locked up for Drink/Drive? You are responsible for decimating rainforests! There is a multi-page booklet that officers have to go through to make sure that drink drivers don't manage to find some little loophole to get off the fact that they are killers in waiting.

When someone is charged, four copies of the charge sheet are produced. Together with six copies of any bail conditions if they are imposed, along with the file front sheets (More on the MG paper chase in a later post).

If someone is released on bail, pending CPS advice or further inquiries, then guess what? A load more paper gets pushed through the printer. There are four copies of the bail sheet, some of which have to be signed (One for the prisoner, to remind them of the date, one for the custody record, even though the details are recorded electronically, one for the case papers and one for anyone else who might want one).

When that person comes back on bail, the system churns out another copy of the custody record. I've no idea why. So if someone is bailed two or three times (it can happen on protracted investigations) they could have three or four copies of the same information printed out.

Every morning at 3.00, the system generates a printout of all the prisoners that have been in during the last 24 hours. This can run to four or five pages over a weekend. This report is filed, never to be looked at again. "What is the point?" you may be asking. I've asked and I'm still waiting for an answer.

Back on the subject of bail, the system also spits out reminders to officers of their forthcoming bailbacks. I've no idea why, because the officers ignore them. It just reminds them that they have got annual leave coming up and they need to find some other mug to deal with their prisoner.

In order to combat this flagrant abuse of the bail system, someone has come up with an idea. Bet you can't guess what it involves? Of course it does - a form!! Officers have to get their sergeant to sign a form agreeing to the bail date that they are proposing. I know, I know - I'm a sergeant and I'm the one making the bail decision, but why make things simple when a whole new level of bureaucracy can be introduced? Needless to say, all this does is ensures that the sergeant can now get it in the neck when the officer in the case is on leave on the proposed bail date.

There are several other clever things that this custody system can do to keep the rainforest lumberjacks in business. It connects to the Police National Computer (PNC) and has the facility to print out a person's PNC record. There are different types of record, but for the full effect, it is only necessary to print out an entire record for someone who has more than fifty convictions to see the printer go haywire and the paper disappear faster than a rat up a drainpipe. Then there is the Phoenix Source Input Document. This contains descriptive details of the prisoner, including information about the offence, bail conditions, warning markers etc. It is submitted electronically to the PNC, so why on earth do we get an option to print it out and if you forget to put a "no" in the box at the right point, then out it spews?

If you are still with me, then you are a real glutton for punishment. I'll give a run down on the files that we have to prepare for CPS next - that should raise a chuckle.

The Paper Chase (2)

2007-01-31T10:15:00.000Z

Clearly some of you need to get out a lot more, as you have asked to find out more about the sort of paperwork that we are forced to do, either by statutory requirement or the whim of a senior officer. Don't blame me if you nod off half way through. I'll try and keep it as brief as possible.

Crime Recording.

Crime Report - four page booklet.

Suspect report - where a named or identifiable suspect is discovered. One page.

Additional property report - when so much stuff has been nicked/damaged that one sheet just won't do.

Investigation report - this is when the paper really starts to get chased. Every crime report has to have an investigation report. This is a double sided A4 sheet that acts as a record of every line of inquiry or any useful information in relation to the crime report. That's the theory anyway. Some officers are better at it than others. The way our crime recording system works is that every time something happens to a crime, an investigation report should be completed and faxed off to be stored as an image on our document management system. This means that, in theory, a double sided piece of paper is used every time an officer knocks on a door and gets no answer.

The idea of the document management system is to make our crime recording process a paperless system. What it actually does is increase the consumption of paper by approximately 500%. When the original report is completed, it gets sent to the Crime Desk for filing. This means that the investigating officer has to print off a copy of the report from the document management system. With protracted investigations, or where reports are transferred to other officers, this report can be printed off several times. Go figure!

Detection report - every now and then, someone detects a crime, either by charging a suspect or cautioning them or by some other means. PC Bloggs has produced a post giving more information on this topic. Go there for a break and then come back for more! The thing about the detection report is that all the information that is written on the form has probably been input into the custody computer system, so you would think that the custody system would tell the crime system that the crime had been detected, wouldn't you? No - that would be far too simple and would mean that less paper would be used. I'll tell you more about the custody system later.

Vulnerable victims report - Imagine if you will a domestic incident, where one member of a family makes an allegation that another member of the family has done something to hurt or upset them. This makes the person reporting a vulnerable victim and creates the need for this report. The VVR (I just made that abbreviation up - it's actually given a different name in out force) asks the same information as the crime report, plus a few extra bits. There isn't an option for leaving a box blank and saying "refer to crime report", so the data has to be entered twice. There is also a VVR Investigation log, which works in exactly the same way as the crime investigation log, so two forms have to be filled out containing basically the same information. The reason is that the VVR shouldn't be scanned to the document management system, so in order to make sure that someone can follow the investigation, two logs have to be done. Of course, they are two completely different forms, so it isn't possible to use one and photocopy it for the other report!

On the subject of investigation reports, for certain offences a specific report template must be filled out. So if we record a burglary, theft of/from vehicle, theft of mobile phone or other crime that is currently flavour of the month, a separate report has to be completed. If an officer is ever tasked with taking a report of robbery, the sound of heart sinking can be heard over the Airwaves. This is because the Robbery Booklet needs to be completed. This is an umpteen page booklet, that contains similar information to the crime report, but the data has to be entered separately. Once the booklet is completed, a Robbery investigation report also has to be submitted.

And so it goes on.

The Paper Chase

2007-01-30T12:50:00.000Z

Last week, I started a post trying to describe how much paper is used in the administration of even the most basic of policing jobs.

By the time I'd reached the ninth paragraph, I was bored and I guessed that anyone who attempted to read the post would also have been very, very bored and would not have come back to my blog ever again.

So I binned it.

However, in the interests of openness, I pass it over to my readers to decide if they really want to know how many forms are required to process a simple shoplifter or record a minor assault.

Let me know and I'll try and knock out a very brief summary.

The traffic cop debate

2007-01-22T20:27:00.000Z

I've long been of the opinion that the increase in speed cameras, inversely proportional to the decrease in traffic officers, has not had the desired effect on road safety that the government intended.

I'm not the only one to share this view and it seems that members of the public are concerned as well.

One worried motorist has written to his local paper to express his view.

No substitute for traffic officers

The Express & Star editorial comment which put forward suggestions regarding the tragic deaths of young motorists was excellent. However, the problem in the United Kingdom is that we have a government which believes the answer to every crisis or problem is more legislation.Increasing legal powers and the rule of law are fine, if you have a credible method of enforcement.
In the case of road traffic, the statute book is overflowing with enforceable law; the problem is that chief officers of police, for a variety of reasons, have virtually eradicated or reduced traffic policing to what can now be best described as an ad hoc strategy.

That is not a criticism of those on the ground left with the job, but directed at those at the top who make policy and budget decisions.

Policing of our motorway network has been virtually replaced by Highways Agency traffic officers, who have little more power than Joe Public. They do a first-class job in terms of what they are trained to do but the boy racer, white van maniac or HGV driver (see if I can nudge your bumper) are fully aware of their enforcement limitations.

I do not accept the argument put forward, that what is left of the “real” motorway police concentrates on the travelling criminal.

This concept, similar to technological enforcement, is a cost-cutting exercise, and if we are discussing travelling criminals, surely an aggressive or reckless driver who kills or maims on the road fits the bill adequately.

There is no substitute for a high-profile, visible presence in any form of policing and that includes the enforcement and advising of driving standards on our roads.

It cannot be acceptable that I can drive on the M5 from Oldbury to Exeter, and then on A roads to Cornwall, and not see one liveried police vehicle.

Barry A Mason, Bullmeadow Lane, Wombourne.

Thank you Mr Mason - I couldn't have put it better myself.

Lucky escape

2007-01-22T20:17:00.000Z

So the Home Office is to be split into two?

This would be the same Home Office that last year insisted that police forces could only be efficient by merging into larger superforces?

I think this goes to prove that they hadn't quite got it right, had they?

Tough choices

2007-01-18T17:26:00.000Z

Save The Children have published a report, commenting on low income families and the choices they have to make. Do they feed the children or put the heating on? That kind of thing.

I've had a quick squint through the report and they are missing several key points. You can read it here.

I've had some experience of visiting low income families. After all, they are by far the most regular of our customers. It's something to do with not paying any tax and wanting to benefit from a service provided by those who do.

The key points that Save The Children are overlooking are these.

The vast majority of "parents" in low income families are smokers, either of tobacco or other less legal materials.
A large proportion of low income families have at least one huge great TV parked in the corner of the lounge somewhere. This TV will be hooked up to the full Sky package and will have a DVD player, video recorder, PSP and cinema sound system wired into it.
Designer labels are a must have.
Every member of the family above the age of three must have at least two mobile phones

Admittedly, there are some genuine low income families out there, but a significant proportion of supposed low income families are actually those who have no idea how to prioritise their spending and believe that those luxuries in life are actually essentials. If Save The Children are planning on helping these people, perhaps they could start by showing them how to live within the means that they have?

Isn't this what we've been saying for years?

2007-01-12T19:26:00.000Z

No apologies for lifting yet another article from the Wolverhampton Express & Star. I wish I could have written this myself!

The ability of this government to spend our hard-earned taxes on fatuous projects involving hordes of non-jobs knows no bounds.

A classic case, as we report today, is the recruitment of “Communication & Reassurance Officers” to let people in the West Midlands know that crime is under control and all is well.

There are two immediate problems. The first is that the message is a grotesque lie. Violent crime is steadily rising.

And while the overall level of recorded crimes may be falling, no-one seriously believes this reflects the true situation.

In an age when shoplifting and burglaries are not even investigated, who bothers to report crimes?

Millions of times every year, despairing victims of crime realise there is no point in either making an insurance claim or calling the police.

The second problem in this new exercise is that it diverts money from important things.

Genuine reassurance and communication come not from soothing words and dodgy statistics but from big, reliable, police officers on the beat.

Instead of more beat officers we get a new generation of £23,000-a-year spin-doctors trying to tell us crime is not all that bad.

The prospect of well-paid, bright-eyed optimists breezing into sink estates to preach contentment to the battered and burgled locals is revolting.

But it is what we have come to expect. For this is Blairism in action. It is presentation over performance, spin over reality.

It is New Labour reaching out from Whitehall into our neighbourhoods to bend the facts before our eyes.

It is not reassurance but pure propaganda. And we are paying for it.

Something for the IPCC to try.

2007-01-02T19:52:00.000Z

The Met are inviting people to try a firearms incident simulation to see how difficult it is to make snap decisions under high pressure, where the outcome could prove fatal.

Instead of carrying live rounds, the participants are given a laser gun and follow a video of an incident. They have to decide whether or not to shoot a suspect and once the decision is made, the video goes on to show the outcome of their decision.

As an example, there is a scenario where a suspect is confronted. If the "officer" decides not to shoot, the suspect then goes on to shoot an innocent member of the public.

I tried this a few years ago - it is bloody difficult, even when you know that the outcome is only recorded on video. How it must be for those who have to do it for real is something that I can only contemplate. I hope never to be in that situation, but I'm grateful that some of my colleagues have taken on the responsibility.

What is their reward? Apart from a seemingly bottomless pit of overtime? They get to have their split-second decisions analysed by people with no concept of the immense pressure that the officer was under at the time the decision was made. The officer has their authority to carry a firearm withdrawn while a protracted investigation takes place. This is an implication of guilt without the benefit of a trial. The officer has to carry the burden of having taken another person's life.

A question to all members of the IPCC - Would you want to be a firearms officer?

Getting connected

2007-01-02T19:24:00.000Z

The BBC are reporting that the Home Office are looking into a scheme to allow prisoners access to the internet whilst they are serving a sentence.

No doubt there will be complaints from people about prisoners getting even more free perks that are not available to the tax paying public. However, you people need to realise the benefits of introducing access to the web for these convicts.

You see, it means I can write something like.

STOP COMMITTING CRIME, YOU LOWLIFE SCUM!

and it will be read by the very people that it is targeting.

I suggest that anyone with a similar message gets writing in anticipation.

Honours

2007-01-01T20:21:00.000Z

The New Year's Honours are out.

Once again I'm not on the list.

What am I doing wrong?

Nice to see that despite the problems, the senior management in Essex are getting rewarded.

New Year's Eve patrol

2006-12-31T15:46:00.000Z

I don't know about where you are, but it looks like PC Rain will be on patrol for most of the evening. In fact, where I live, PC Rain is doing a very persistent job of keeping people off the streets.

Hopefully, this patrol will be maintained way past midnight, thereby deterring people from hanging around in drunken gangs and kicking seven shades of Hogmanay out of each other!

I will be working tonight, as will many of my colleagues. I trust that those of you who are not working will respect our right to refuse a celebratory drink or kiss on the High Street. Bear in mind that if you are arrested, it won't be before the officer concerned has given you any number of chances to go home - there are only so many cells and we don't want them all full for the early shift, who will of course be earning double time and therefore can't possibly be expected to work for it. If you do get locked up, it is YOUR fault that the night was ruined - not ours.

Alas, another small pleasure will now be gone for another year. The satisfaction of telling someone that they are being kept in for court until after Christmas/New Year is one of the few remaining perks of the job and I look forward to wiping the smirks off the faces of a few more recidivists with that one next year.

Have a good one - Don't drink and drive - Keep your hands to yourselves and see you all in 2007.

Fresh ideas, anyone?

2006-12-24T21:46:00.000Z

The BBC are reporting that government ministers are admitting they are completely clueless about crime, because they are suggesting that "new ideas" are required.

A few quotes from the article and my views follow.

"New ways of tackling crime must be considered, a minister has said, after a report warned crime rates could rise for the first time in 12 years."

There's nothing wrong with the old ideas, it's just that we aren't allowed to implement them because they can't be measured. I'm now of the opinion that performance measures are a sign of weak management. Instead of having the balls to say someone is crap, a weak manager can use performance figures to "prove" someone is or isn't performing. Of course, it only shows how someone is performing against those indices that are being measured. What isn't measured isn't done and nobody seems to care.

"The leaked Downing Street strategy unit report says crime could rise if there is a slowdown in economic growth. It says prescribing heroin and alcohol rationing could help cut crime."

This is the same government that has introduced 24 hour drinking. How can you ration something that is so freely available? Could we perhaps ask the Americans who introduced Prohibition, because that worked really well, didn't it?

"The 60-page report, obtained by the Sunday Times, also criticises police for failing to improve their performance despite large budget increases."

The police are criticised for not meeting performance targets that are specifically set to ensure that comparisons can be made between forces. What is the point? Unless someone is going to move house to get away from their current crime ridden estate, how reassuring is it to know that your local force can't detect vehicle crime very well?

"Its other findings include that prisoners numbers are rising beyond capacity, there is no money for new prisons..."

No money for new prisons, but we can afford a load of new nuclear subs that will never, ever be used for the purpose that they were built for. They will not be a deterrent, because if someone is determined to nuke us all, a couple of subs ain't gonna stop them.

"...and that nine out of 10 crimes are either not reported or go unpunished."

So now we are getting somewhere. The reason crime is increasing is because the risk of getting punished is well below the benefits that the perpetrators reap. I seem to recall the government promising to put the fear of crime back on the criminal - this is quite clearly not happening. Most criminals now know that even if they get kept in custody at the police station, they will get bail as soon as they get to court. People don't bother reporting crime, because they know that the hassle of having to go to court to give evidence will not be rewarded by a serious punishment for the offender.

"Ms Blears told the BBC that the document looked at "tough issues" and "new challenges" and was intended to help the government plan for the future."

How many times have we heard this bullshit? The government have had how long to plan for the future? The only future that politicians are interested in is the next election. Why introduce radical long-term plans when another party might be in power and get all the credit?

The report goes on, predicting that another 25,000 prison places will be needed within five years. I'll bet you now that there will be no new prisons built in that time. There will be a General Election between now and then, so millions of pounds of taxpayers money will be needed for all the campaign advertising and palm-greasing that goes on for months before the election. The net result of which is that 50% of the electorate are so weary with it all that they stay at home.

There's no need for fresh ideas - we've had enough of fresh ideas. These same ideas that have made absolutely no difference to the fight on crime, because the people who should be fighting crime are handcuffed by the bureaucracy that this government has introduced.

Let experienced, effective police officers decide on the priorities and strategies that should be used to fight crime. Let these officers have control of the budget in order to target finances where they are required. Let us decide on the best equipment for the job and let us use the purchasing power of 43 police forces (I'm still using that word, even though it is nearly 2007) to get the best deal.

In summary, let the police do their job and keep the politicians out of it. They've got their own part-time job to do!

999 for everything you need!

2006-12-20T15:05:00.000Z

All you emergency service workers out there will already know that the 999* system is abused constantly by those people who are hard of thinking.

Just in case anyone had forgotten that the 999 number is for emergency calls only, West Midlands Police have issued a press release that indicates that 55% of calls received at the emergency switchboard are either misdirected, hoaxes or not genuine emergencies.

If you want proof that some people should be banned from owning or using a telephone, then listen to these.

Car

Television

Hedgehog

Cigarettes

And people wonder why they can't get through in a genuine emergency.

*equivalent to 112 in Europe or 911 in the US

Need for secrecy

2006-12-19T08:33:00.000Z

Here's a blast from the past - does anyone remember November 2006? Seems like ages ago, but cast your mind back to this post "To Blog or not to Blog"

A Police Review reader has written in with his view and seeing as PR quote stuff from my blog without asking permission, I've copied this for you all to read.

Need for secrecy

I thought the subject of police blogs had been well covered in Police Review after Simon Hepworth's recent comment (PR, 8 November) and the subsequent replies that this attracted. But how wrong I was, as now PC Dave Morgan has had his say (PR, 1 December). As these two articles oppose police weblogs, I have to question if Police Review has lost its impartiality?
As for the comment about weblogs being published under a cloak of secrecy, maybe this is because in our apparently free and democratic society, anyone naming themselves is likely to be invited to meet their friendly complaints and discipline/professional standards department.
Following those views, I take it if I were on patrol and came across a gas leak near a block of flats, I would not alert the residents who lived there as this would affect their view of their gas supplier, and could result in a loss of confidence in the supplier?
PC Richard Rafeek, Lothian and Borders

Thanks Richard - and if you are a reader of this blog, could you leave a comment on how your letter was viewed by your management? That's if you can get away from being on suicide watch for every single shift!

Misquoted by Police Review

2006-12-19T08:19:00.000Z

For those of you that read this worthy tome, you will have noticed that they included a small review of this blog in a recent "Blogwatch" feature. The reviewer wrote this about it.

It's not much, but there's no such thing as bad publicity!

On a more serious note, 'You're Nicked' also talks about the Independent Police Complaints Commission, with his comment that he believes riot policing is too confrontational. 'If I am in the front line and you and your mates are trying to get past me, you are going to feel the back of my shield and it serves you right,' he adds.

Unfortunately, their "Blogwatcher" seems to have misread this post. I don't think riot policing is too confrontational. I stated that the IPCC think it is too confrontational, which was the whole point of the post!

Perhaps this was the reason for the recent pay rise shambles? I bet that all along, the Official Side had agreed to our 3%, but it was all misquoted by some hack on the PR newsdesk.

Keep watching guys, but try and get it right next time!

My belief is now completely beggared!

2006-12-07T21:58:00.000Z

I really cannot believe that a failed asylum seeker convicted of the rape of a 13 year old girl can be awarded compensation because he was kept in custody at the end of his prison sentence.

The Home Office were (quite rightly) trying to kick him out of the country, though why this should be difficult is a mystery to me. Grab him, stick his stuff in a bag and chuck him on a plane - dead easy.

The story doesn't say how much of his eight year sentence this pond-life served, but I would guess it would be between five and six years, so the extra 20 months he served was no more than the sentence he should have served in the first place. Now, because some "human rights" lawyers have taken up his case, he stands to receive a payout of around £50,000.

I wonder how much compensation the victim of his knifepoint rape got? A couple of thousand at the most, if anything at all. What chance will she have of getting any more out of her attacker? None at all - the courts will say that he didn't have the funds at the time of conviction so tough luck.

Wouldn't it be nice if just once, for a change, the human rights lawyers made a stand for the rights of the victim, instead of the villain? We can live in hope, but of course we know there's no money in that sort of battle, so the lawyers just aren't interested.

Change of venue

2006-12-07T09:47:00.000Z

A request to all you other bloggers out there.

I'm considering whether to move this site from Blogger to WordPress. I've been toying with the idea for a while and have an account set up and everything.

The only small fly in the ointment at the moment is that Blogger in Beta won't let me export my posts to another account. This leaves me with a problem.

Do I start again and leave the two sites running simultaneously? Or do I do the laborious job of copying and pasting every single post across to WordPress?

Any views?

Why should I say sorry?

2006-12-05T17:49:00.000Z

First of all, let me start by saying that the idea of slavery is abhorrent. I wholeheartedly agree that generations of people had their lives torn apart in order to "serve" the master who paid the highest price. There is no place in society for slavery (unless of course you include the free half hour for the Queen) and it is highly unlikely that slavery will ever return to these shores.

Tony Blair is currently courting publicity (for a change) by suggesting that Britain issues an apology to the nations of the world whose inhabitants were dragged from their homes onto ships bound for this country. Hang on a minute - what good will this do? Other than being another step towards his elevation to sainthood.

I've researched my family history and I've found no evidence that any of my ancestors employed slaves. Far from it, in fact. My forebears were all farm workers, no better than slaves themselves. So nobody in my past has drawn any benefit from the slave trade, either directly or indirectly.

So to the point of my post - why does Blair presume to think that he can apologise on my behalf for the behaviour of people totally unconnected to me? Behaviour that took place hundreds of years ago and incidentally was sanctioned by the government of the time. A government that none of my ancestors would have been franchised to vote for, by the way!

Will Saint Tony be asking Dubya to do the same thing? Let's face it, Britain wasn't the sole player in this global trade. If Tony feels it necessary to say sorry, then let him do it in his own name, not mine. I've got nothing to apologise for!

Help the teachers

2006-12-04T21:35:00.000Z

If any of you have read Frank Chalk's blog, you'll have some understanding of the challenges faced by teachers in our secondary schools.

There are a multitude of issues that lead to under-achievement , but one of the key problems is the total lack of sanctions available to school staff when dealing with discipline matters.

Read Frank's blog and see if this frightens you into signing this petition.

At least they have an excuse

2006-12-02T19:59:00.000Z

Following on from the tale of the wandering ambulance.

The Beeb reports that 'Hundreds of Motown fans were left disappointed after a sat-nav sends a tribute band 140 miles away from the concert venue.

Around 300 fans - many who had dressed up in 1960's outfits - had gone to see Vicount Oliver's Legendary Four Tops play at Cheltenham Town Hall.

But the US band had been driven to the other side of the country, thanks to their satellite navigation equipment.

It had been set for Chelmsford, Essex, instead of the Gloucestershire town.

Fans were told the night had been cancelled "due to unforeseen circumstances".

Tour manager Alan Frazer said: "Whoever tapped the place into the sat-nav got it wrong.

"They don't know British geography very well because they're American."'

How many other mistakes can be justified on the basis of being American?

Your comments are welcome

It's that time of year again

2006-12-02T18:53:00.000Z

Time for the annual Drink-Drive campaign

This also means that the old, old excuses for being over the limit are also being trotted out.

Examples include

"It's your fault for stopping me" (Yes honestly)

"The barmaid said that two large glasses of wine wouldn't put me over the limit"

"Are you sure the machine is working properly?"

"I've had a sauna, so the dehydration has put me over"

Get real folks - you're over the limit purely and simply because you drank too much and then drove.

Putting aside the ever more "hard-hitting" (media speak for hideously expensive) advertising campaigns, anyone who doesn't realise the dangers of combining alcohol and automobiles isn't really safe to be allowed out without a chaperone.

If you're not sure - get a bus or a taxi. It could be one of us knocking on your door on Christmas morning to say that daddy won't be able to open the presents, due to him being in a cell. That's if daddy is lucky - he could be in the mortuary.

Blogger has gone wrong

2006-12-02T18:38:00.000Z

Anyone know what is wrong with Blogger Beta?

I can't edit any of the page elements and all the buttons to add stuff like images and hyperlinks have disappeared in the Create Post tab.

Is this a temporary measure?

**UPDATE**

If anyone else is suffering the same problem, open your browser and press Ctrl + F5 to clear your browser cache. It worked for me!

Check the Blogger Status page for confirmation

This is why you can't go down the road

2006-12-02T15:07:00.000Z

Every bobby has had it.

You're standing on a cordon. There's blue tape everywhere. There's a police car blocking the road and someone ALWAYS asks "Can I go down here?"

The answer is always the same - you politely explain that the road is closed, whilst inside your brain is screaming "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK I'M DOING HERE?"

For those too thick-witted enough to understand why we block the road off, read this story and commit it to memory. Next time you see the road closed off, think of poor Santa and go another way without bothering the poor sod stood at the tape.

Has technology ruined the human brain?

2006-12-01T19:54:00.000Z

It must have

What other possible explanation can there be for this story?

Surely one of the crew must have had a vague idea that Brentwood is east of Ilford and therefore when they saw the signs pointing north, alarm bells should have sounded?

Sometimes people, you just have to trust your instincts!

Stan's motorway driving tips

2006-11-29T10:36:00.000Z

I am not, nor have I ever been, a traffic officer.

I would consider myself to be a competent and careful driver (Does this sound familiar? OK - I've pinched it from the Road Traffic Act, so sue me)

I do sometimes wonder whether the Highway Code has gone out of print, because more and more people seem to be doing exactly what they like on the roads. I use the motorways a lot, so I would just like to give a few tips to help smooth the flow of traffic and make life easier for everyone.

1 - That dotted white line at the end of the slip road as you join the motorway has a special meaning. It means "GIVE WAY" to traffic already on the motorway. Putting on your indicators does not suddenly create a gap that is safe for you to enter. Don't rely on people in Lane 1 moving over or slowing down to let you in. It just might not be possible. One day you'll cut up a 40 tonne lorry and see what happens!

2 - Once on the motorway, as with joining, your indicators cannot magically create space. Put them on to let people know you want to move out, but don't assume that just because they are on you can go. This also applies to those of you who start to manoeuvre and THEN start indicating as an afterthought.

3 - When it is dark and throwing down with rain, you won't be any safer just because you can read the small print on the dealer sticker of the car in front. Yes, you will know when they start braking, but by the time you react, you may find that sticker is plastered across your face.

4 - Lorry drivers - Most of you are limited to 56mph. This means that when you are overtaking another lorry travelling at 56mph, it takes forever to get past. On two lane motorways, look in your rear view mirror and see the long, long line of cars that are also limited to 56mph because you were too stupid to realise you couldn't get past another truck!

5 - Hard shoulders are very dangerous places to be. This does not mean that it is safer to read your map, newspaper, meeting notes or text messages whilst barrelling down Lane 3 at 90mph. Some entrepreneurs have created little areas of tranquillity where you can stop and read for up to two hours without being charged for it. They make up for this free car parking concession by charging you a fiver for a cup of warm water and milk with a few bits of an old tea bag thrown in.

6 - Coming to the junction you want to leave at? The Highways Agency have very thoughtfully provided huge blue signs with junction numbers and destinations on them to give you a bit of a clue. To make things even simpler, they have put more than one sign up for each junction. You'll get at least a mile's warning of an impending junction, then another one with half a mile to go and then finally another one at the junction. Unless you are Mr Magoo, these signs will be visible long before you reach them, so why do you leave it to the very last minute to cut across three lanes of traffic to make your exit?

If you lot can think of any more, please leave a comment. Let's make the roads safer, because safety cameras can't do it all on their own!

What an absolute shower*

2006-11-27T18:57:00.000Z

Another edict from the IPCC

They believe that riot policing is too confrontational and forces should consider using water cannon to disperse the baying mobs.

This isn't suggested in order to protect the officers who have to stand their ground in the face of overwhelming numbers of hyped up protesters. Oh no, this is to prevent complaints of "heavy handed policing".

Sorry, but if I'm in the front line (OK behind the front line - privilege of rank) and you and your mates are trying to get past me, you are going to feel the back of my shield and serve you right. All of the people who made these complaints would have had ample opportunity to leave the area, but chose to get close enough to the source of trouble to get face to face with the business end of a baton. I hope each and every complainant was arrested and charged with violent disorder!

Compare the figures - 60 police officers injured, while only few protesters received injuries. The hooligans were using missiles, which are indiscriminate in the damage they cause. The police officers were using batons, which can be targeted at the people causing most trouble. I suspect that some of the injured "citizens" were victims of friendly fire!

What difference would a water cannon make? For a start, they cost an absolute fortune and would spend most of their time in the garage. No force, not even the Met, could afford to pay for sufficient vehicles on the off-chance that they may be used at some point in the future. Secondly, who would put their elbow in the tank to make sure that the water was warm enough to prevent those poor protesters from getting frostbite? Despite the fact that they behave like a pack of hyenas, they still have human rights you know. Unlike the police officers who have to maintain order, for hours on end, with no food, drink or toilet breaks. In fact, setting off one of these contraptions in full view of a line of full-bladdered bobbies could be construed as a form of torture.

Yet another hare-brained idea from an "organisation" that dare to comment on police tactics when they have little or no knowledge of what goes on in real life.

*Apologies to Terry-Thomas

Round and round we go

2006-11-27T18:02:00.000Z

There's nothing new in policing, so how do aspiring Chief Constables prove their worth?

Re-organisation, or Force Review, or Restructuring, or whatever trendy phrase that comes to mind.

Anyone who has been in the job for any length of time will know what happens when a new chief lands. They all know that boundaries will move slightly, one or two little squads will be formed, one or two others will have their name changed and the different parts of the force will be renamed. If, like me, you have seen off four or five chief constables in various forces, you will recognise the weary e-mails that come out to sell this new vision to the masses.

Leicestershire Constabulary are currently in the throes of a shake-up, as reported in the local paper.

The story explains how the force is reducing from four policing areas to three, in order to provide a service that meets the needs of local people. It doesn't say which local people want to be able to travel further to see a police officer, but there must be some out there! One reader comments that this force had three Divisions less than 14 years ago, before they broadened out into five Areas. These areas were then condensed to four, before yet another shrinkage to three. So in this relatively short space of time, the wheel has gone full circle.

What we don't get to hear is the explanation from the senior officers who implemented the previous changes, so they can tell us what was so wrong with the system that it needed a complete overhaul (three times).

The cynics amongst you will of course say that the senior management were tinkering in order to provide evidence for their portfolios. I couldn't possibly comment, other than to say that despite all the changes that are made in force structures, the humble PC still ends up getting the blame for not getting to the job on time. This was ever so - regardless of how the mountain is constructed, shit still rolls downhill and gathers at the feet of the bobby on patrol. I fail to see how the changes under way in Leicestershire can make any difference.

Don't feel I'm picking on this particular force - it is going on across the policing community all the time. It costs a fortune and achieves nothing!

Muppet! Update

2006-11-24T23:40:00.000Z

Remember this post?

The muppet has been identified as Andrew Gardiner and he has been sentenced to 120 days for the theft of this camera.

That means he'll be out by Christmas.

Keep your trees locked up!

A victory for common sense

2006-11-24T11:54:00.000Z

There is still hope out there. Despite a number of forces using performance targets as a stick to beat officers into arresting anything that moves, there are still some officers who can remember what discretion is and how to use it to good effect.

This story appeared in the Shropshire Star recently. The officer concerned could just as easily (and quite lawfully) have taken the man in question to a police station and done all the processing that this entails, but chose instead to take the much more proportionate route of taking the old guy out of the way and then de-arresting him when the situation had resolved itself.

Take note you student officers - just because you have the power, there is no need to use it. Sometimes there is another way!

A comparison

2006-11-17T22:29:00.000Z

A man who was sentenced to a Community Order for attacking his mother went out and raped a woman in an alleyway within hours of leaving court. Thanks to the intervention of a number of passers-by, this monster was detained, arrested, charged and put before the courts (again)

He was found guilty and sentenced to life, with a recommendation that he serves at least six years - this approximates to the lifespan of the average chicken - is there any significance?

On the same day, a man is found guilty of producing extra strong cannabis and is sentenced to five years in prison. Now we all know that he will only serve half this sentence, but assuming he misbehaves in prison, he could end up serving about the same length of time as the rapist.

Now don't get me wrong, the drug dealer deserves to be sent down for a long time, but why on earth does a man who effectively ruins the life of a completely innocent woman get sent down for only six years?

Recently, there were complaints that a very small percentage of rape cases result in a conviction, yet here we are, with a rapist banged to rights and he gets a measly six year tariff. If he apologises and does all the right things, he could be out in time to go to the Olympics in London. How must the victim feel about this?

I hope the CPS appeal the sentence - it doesn't come anywhere near reflecting the seriousness of the offence and does nothing to improve the regard in which the justice system is held by victims of sexual offences.

PS - The lads who helped detain this rapist deserve recognition - the judge awarded them £200 each out of public funds. How many others would have done the same? Good on you guys!

Sign the pledge

2006-11-17T21:08:00.000Z

Those of you who subscribe to the Police Oracle forums may have noticed this thread relating to DC Stephen Oake, who died saving his colleagues from a knife wielding suspect.

There is now an online petition site, set up by the government, to allow people to start and sign petitions to the prime minister. It is a triumph of hope over expectation to think that this self-centred bunch will pay attention to the wishes of the voting public, but if you don't ask, you don't get.

If you wish to support the petition, follow this link.

There are loads of other petitions you may be interested in - including ones to do away with ID cards and repealing the ban on hunting. Tell 'em what you think.

No victim, no crime?

2006-11-16T22:19:00.000Z

You may have read this story about a female teacher who was accused of having sexual relations with one of her pupils.

The teacher concerned has been found not guilty.

During the trial, evidence was introduced that the boy in question had filmed the teacher performing oral sex on him in a classroom. (For those of you non-police readers, oral sex is usually described as a "sex act" or "lewd act" in the papers. We all know what they mean, so why can't they just come out with it?)

Anyway, the jury accepted the teacher's explanation that she performed the act due to the fact that the boy was holding a screwdriver to the back of her head. Something that couldn't be seen on the mobile phone video footage that the boy's parents saw and ran to the police with.

Now, thanks to the Sexual Offences Act 2003, someone who forces their penis into another person's mouth is committing rape. The teacher has decided that she does not want to take the matter further and has not made a complaint.

The CPS have said "that as Mrs Poole had not made a formal complaint about the incident they had not pursued a prosecution against the teenager."

Now I'm sure that Mrs Poole has her reasons, but I can't help but wonder why the CPS are being so reluctant to proceed. In other cases, the CPS would proceed without the support of the victim. I just wonder why they feel disinclined to do so in this instance?

As an aside, I hope that the local constabulary have recorded this as a crime. They should you know, the rules say so.

To Blog or not to Blog

2006-11-14T13:08:00.000Z

There was an article in last week's Police Review, written by a serving Inspector, regarding the ethics of police blogging.

I hope that the editors won't mind me copying the article, because it makes interesting reading, both for my blogging colleagues and members of the public.

What are your views?

It occurred to me recently that writing in Police Review would be a wonderful opportunity to emulate the officer who produces the now-famous 'Policeman's Blog'.
However, I immediately realised this was not a sensible option. As I write this column in my own name, my photo appears on the page and my byline identifies my employer, I am aware my bosses read this piece, so I have to behave myself.
I wonder if it is right for serving police officers to publish their 'blogs' under a cloak of anonymity. Does the public really want to know the reality of policing today, as portrayed by the bloggers? For whose benefit are the blogs written anyway?
As long as there is only general detail in a blog, and places and people cannot be identified, then it can be argued that no direct harm is done. But I believe it is when the public start reading, and believing, the various police blogs that there is a possibility of harm.
A significant part of our role is to fight the fear of crime, counteracting in a calm and measured way the headlines of the popular press that would have their readers believe that the country is being overrun by paedophiles, rapists, terrorists and murderers.
Our reassurances, as long as they remain credible, bring matters back into proportion and thereby improve the quality of life for the general public. It is not particularly helpful in this respect to write that 'only three officers are available to cover a borough of a 100,000 residents', to quote one blog.
Even if it is right, is the public any better off for knowing? There might be a case for raising issues of inefficiency, shortage of resources or poor management where these exist, but the public domain is not an effective place to do so.
A trawl of police blogs suggests the main causes of discontent are bureaucracy, the performance and target culture and a lack of apparent support from the Crown Prosecution Service and the courts.
Acronyms and jargon abound in many of the blogs and much of what is written requires some inside knowledge of policing to be fully appreciated. I am tempted to conclude, therefore, that most such blogs are written for a police audience and are primarily there to enable the writer to let off steam without fear of adverse consequences.
In an earlier article, I wrote that driving humour and cynicism underground does not by itself improve morale and that another outlet will be found. Perhaps anonymous blogs provide this safety valve for the opinions of jaded and frustrated officers.
However, I agree that airing such views in an appropriate forum is necessary, but washing our dirty linen in public is not the answer.
Insp Simon Hepworth works for West Yorkshire Police. These views are his own, not those of his force

Election fever?

2006-11-13T09:39:00.000Z

Why is it that the BBC and other media organisations are bombarding us with news of the American presidential elections?

Do they think the people of this country really care?

Let's face it, when 40% of the electorate of this country can't even be bothered to walk round the corner to vote in our own elections, what possible interest could they have in events in the US?

Unless of course it is one of your mates who is up for election and you might end up getting a very lucrative career move out of it - mentioning no names!

Let's have another pop at the police

2006-11-07T17:56:00.000Z

Guess who?

Oh yes, the IPCC - for a change.

Apparently, deaths as a result of police contact are steadily rising - read the full story at the Beeb.

Here's a small extract

IPCC chairman Nick Hardwick said it had been working on a system to try to reduce the deaths of those who become involved with police officers.
He said: "The IPCC would much rather prevent than investigate a death. Over the last year we have sought to reduce these figures in a number of ways.

Here's a few ideas to help you out, Mr Hardwick.

1 Stop the police having to deal with suicidal people who are hell-bent on causing themselves injury. Instead, they can all go into hospital or NHS drop-in centres, or perhaps Social Services offices and kill themselves there. Ban the police from having anyone with a "Suicidal" or "Self Harm" marker in the cells and most of the problem will disappear.

2 Take away all our patrol cars, so we can't be tempted into trying to keep up with the poor misunderstood car thief who is rampaging around an estate. That way, we can safely watch from a distance as they cause carnage, happy in the knowledge that we didn't provoke them into driving at speeds way beyond their capabilities. Of course, you'll have to change police discipline regulations and a few other laws, regarding neglect of duty and misfeasance, but at least we won't need to phone the IPCC in the early hours of the morning to come and watch us extract a couple of dead burglars from a wrecked car.

3 Invent some magic bullets that stop armed criminals in their tracks, but don't actually kill them. Better still, why don't we send an IPCC investigator out with every ARV? They could then tell the officers if they think it would be a good idea to shoot the suspect. Of course, given the length of time it takes the IPCC to make a decision, the suspect would be long gone.

What Mr Hardwick needs is someone to give him a reality pill. We deal with some of the most vulnerable members of society with very little training and very poor facilities. We are expected to arrest violent and dangerous criminals for whom life has no value and who would not think twice about shooting their way out of custody.

And before someone bleats on about institutional racism, if you are a white male, you are more likely to die as a result of police contact than any other group. Here's the figures.

POLICE INVOLVEMENT DEATHS

94 of 118 cases were male

101 were White

Five were Asian

Seven were Black

Four were mixed race

One 'any other ethnic group'

I'm surprised the IPCC didn't try and put a block on our pay rise!

Re-branding

2006-11-06T21:06:00.000Z

I see that Southern Comfort have a new advertising campaign, where they refer to the drink as SOCO.

Perhaps this is why SOCOs want to be known as CSIs?

Anyone doing anything this weekend?

2006-11-02T20:57:00.000Z

Before you answer, take a look at this story, then watch the video. (It takes a while to get started, but stick with it.)

Having seen it, does anyone fancy going round his house and treat him in the same way that he has treated his beloved pet?

The word "scum" really doesn't cover it, does it?

SORRY!

2006-10-27T21:59:00.000+01:00

I'm not ignoring you.

We've moved house and it has taken over a week to get broadband installed. The lack of internet connection has meant that I have had to do DIY thingys. The list of jobs has shrunk sufficiently for me to be allowed on the computer.

Thanks for keeping an eye on things - hopefully I'll come up with something to keep you entertained over the next few weeks.

Control order suspect 'is on run'

2006-10-16T22:21:00.000+01:00

"A terror suspect under a control order has escaped from a mental health unit and is on the run, the BBC has learned.

The man, accused by the authorities of wanting to go to Iraq to fight, has been missing for the past fortnight."

Is it just me, or is anyone else thinking the same? If this bloke really want to go to Iraq to fight, let him go. His life expectancy will be greatly reduced and the burden on British tax payers will be greatly reduced. Give him a blank firing rifle so he doesn't hurt anyone and let him get on with it.

Perhaps I'm missing something here? He's in a mental health unit because he wants to go to Iraq, so why haven't a large number of British soldiers been committed? It's the obvious answer to conscientious objectors - a bit like Catch 22. If you want to go to war, you must be too mad to fight, so you have to stay at home.

Charming!

2006-10-16T21:56:00.000+01:00

Two girls were arrested at the Sheffield Wednesday v Barnsley game at the weekend. They were nicked for using abusive language towards Barnsley supporters who were being abusive towards them.

So where's the story? I hear you asking.

Well, these two bright sparks were the half time entertainment and decided to shout their abuse through a microphone connected to Hillsborough's public address system, thereby allowing over 28,000 people to instantly become witnesses for the prosecution.

Faced with the prospect of taking all those statements, because once the CPS get hold of it you can bet your life they would ask for statements from every single witness, the officer in the case took a bold decision and issued each of them with a Penalty Notice.

Probably the easiest detection anyone in South Yorkshire Police picked up this weekend?

Waste of TIme

2006-10-16T21:14:00.000+01:00

Perhaps Bill Sticker can help on this one?

I was walking through town today, when I saw a white van with a big fat Penalty Notice stuck to the screen.

My keen eye told me there was something different about this van. Steering wheel on the wrong side - unfamiliar words written across the front and a number plate with a white letter "F" in a blue square at the beginning.

Now I was taught that we couldn't do stick and runs on foreign registered vehicles, because funnily enough they're not on the PNC.

Has there been a change in procedure or are some parking attendants behind with their quota?

PS - this isn't a picture of the offending vehicle - it's from a Google search, in case you're wondering.

Colourblind

2006-10-16T19:12:00.000+01:00

Strathclyde Police have been found guilty of sex discrimination after refusing recruiting applications from males with a particular form of colour blindness that only affects men.

Full story here if you want to read it.

I would have thought, given the criticism of forces for being racist, that the best way to prevent allegations that officers are discriminatory is to employ those that are colourblind.

I think Strathclyde have missed an opportunity here.

Nuisance

2006-10-16T16:52:00.000+01:00

Is it just me being a grumpy old man?

I've been travelling to a certain large city by train recently, for work purposes.

In the last week, I have had to tell three people to put out cigarettes in the station, which has a "No Smoking" policy. Funnily enough, none of the station staff who passed by these transgressors seemed to be bothered about this breach of the rules.

All of them complied with my polite request and at no time did I have to resort to pulling out the old badge.

Earlier today, I was on the train when a group of schoolboys got on. They started running up and down the corridor and messing around with the doors etc. Not one person even looked at them. They pissed me off so I pointed out that they were on a train and not in a playground and they went very quiet and sat down. Again, no conflict and no need to make it "official".

I know it's a judgment call, but perhaps if more people took some interest in what was going on about them and opened their mouths, this sort of nuisance behaviour would be limited? None of the people I spoke to answered back - they were simply trying it on and getting away with it until I poked my nose in.

As an aside, when the schoolboys mentioned above earlier got off the train, they suddenly got all brave and came up to the window I was sitting at. One of them gave me the middle finger, with a cocky look on his face. This look dropped to the floor when I simultaneously took a photo of him with my phone and flashed the badge at him. He'll be wondering what's in store for him when he gets to school tomorrow. Shame that the picture came out far too blurred to even identify him as a human being.

Don't tell him - let him sweat for a bit.

PSD update

2006-10-15T11:51:00.000+01:00

Those of you who read my earlier post regarding a phone call from PSD will be as relieved as I am to note that it was completely innocuous.

I blog on!

Profits may slow down?

2006-10-15T10:35:00.000+01:00

The Daily Mail have undertaken a covert operation to find out the truth behind speed cameras. Surprise surprise, they conclude that the cameras are merely a huge money-making operation for the Treasury and have nothing at all to do with road safety.

Tell us something we don't know!

Read the story here and then we can all wait for someone to blag their way out of it.

Where not to park

2006-10-14T14:22:00.000+01:00

The Wolverhampton Express and Star (regular readers will know that this is one of my favourite local papers, cos they generally seem to be on the side of common sense) has made applications under the Freedom of Information Act to get crime figures for car parks attached to local stores.

Apparently, the likes of Ikea, Morrisons, Sainsburys and Asda are magnets for the sort of people who prefer to smash their way through your car window as opposed to getting off their drug-addled arses and getting a job.

Now my only criticism of the small part of the article I can read is that it appears to blame the stores for a lack of security.

Could it perhaps have anything to do with the fact that these shops are patronised by complete morons who haven't got the common sense to take thousands of pounds worth of electrical equipment out of the car? I've never had a mobile phone, radio or sat nav taken from my car, cos I wouldn't be daft enough to leave them in view.

Crime prevention begins with the owners of the property, not with the stores.

Joined up Government

2006-10-14T12:48:00.000+01:00

In the news today, the Government are publicising a "hard-hitting" (which is media speak for too dark, too loud and completely pointless) video, warning of the dangers of binge drinking.

This is the same Government that changed the licencing laws to allow pubs and clubs to stay open all night. The "logic" behind this was that drinkers would not rush to finish their alcopops and all leave the pub at the same time, thus making them safer, more responsible drinkers (Yeah right)

Some police forces are having to review shift patterns to cover the extra hours that licenced premises are open. This is fine, but a limited number of officers can only work a limited number of hours, so they won't be available for patrolling the areas that deserve police attention.

Sussex Police is one such force (if I had a subscription to Police Review I would link to the full article) so if the good people of Brighton wonder why crime has gone through the roof, it's because the overworked, overstretched bobbies are required to stop drunken yobs from beating the crap out of each other all hours of the day and night.

It could be me being cynical as usual, but I fail to see how this video will persuade anyone not to go out and get bladdered, when all the pubs and clubs are doing their best to get as much down their customer's necks as possible.

On the bright side, while there's a demand for extra patrols, there is overtime available which should help soften the blow of not having had a payrise this year. Thanks Gordon - don't hold your breath for MY vote! Of course, there's another dilemma - Do I volunteer for public order patrols or do I volunteer to look after displaced convicts?

Choices, choices!

Muppet!

2006-10-14T11:40:00.000+01:00

It's people like this that make the job really easy at times !

Scam warning

2006-10-12T12:17:00.000+01:00

Apparently, the Trading Standards Office are involved in the investigation of a premium rate phone scam.

It works like this. A card is posted through your door from a company called PDS (Parcel Delivery Service) suggesting that they were unable to deliver a parcel and that you need to contact them on 0906 6611911 (a premium rate number). DO NOT call this number as this is a mail scam originating from Belize.

If you call this number and you start to hear a recorded message you will already have been billed £15 for the phone call.

If you do receive a card with these details, then please contact Royal Mail Fraud on 0207 239 6655 or ICSTIS (the premium rate service regulator) at http://www.icstis.org.uk or your local trading standards office.

Public Service Blogging at its best.

Normal service

2006-10-11T18:58:00.000+01:00

Will be resumed as soon as possible!

We're in the process of moving house and things have gone a bit Pete Tong, so we're currently enjoying the hospitality of a little hotel in the Black Country that charges £5 per hour for wireless internet! As you can imagine, this tends to limit internet use to ony those vital communications.

Unfortunately, my main e-mail account has been suspended as we don't technically have broadband any more. However, the Gmail account is still up and running and all comments are directed there anyway.

In the meantime, others are commenting on current policing issues, so take a look at the sidebar.

Once we're settled in and Telewest (or is it ntl?) have done their stuff, I'll get back to normal ranting. Provided of course Mrs Still lets me put the paint brush down for a few seconds!

The exam results are out..

2006-10-09T15:21:00.000+01:00

.. And I'm halfway to becoming Inspector Still.

Congratulations to all you others who managed to guess right at least 65% of the time!

Fiddling

2006-10-08T14:28:00.000+01:00

You'll have noticed that the blog page is a bit thinner on content at the moment. I've gone over to Blogger Beta and I'm going back to Blogger comments. Bear with me while I put all the old stuff back on.

Should I be worried?

2006-10-03T18:00:00.000+01:00

Had a phone call from Professional Standards earlier today.

Apparently, a memo that was addressed to me has gone astray and ended up in the Anti-Corruption Unit, so they just wanted to know where to send it on to.

Am I being paranoid?

If you don't hear from me for a while, it is for one of two reasons.

1) I'm on gardening leave and my laptop is in a property store.

2) We've moved house and they haven't installed broadband yet.

I'll keep you informed.

The exam results are in*....

2006-10-02T17:15:00.000+01:00

....and I'm now half-way to being Inspector Still!

Congratulations to all the others who managed to guess correctly for at least 65% of the time.

(*OSPRE Inspectors Part One exam)

Frank Chalk

2006-09-24T22:01:00.000+01:00

I have been subtly reminded (by the man himself) that I have neglected to include Mr Chalk on my blogroll.

If you haven't read his reports on life in an inner-city secondary school, do it now. If you have children at one of these schools, move them tomorrow!

Those of you who went to a decent school will find it difficult to comprehend the type of behaviour and attitudes that prevail in modern schools, but trust me, I know from my own experience that Frank is absolutely spot-on.

I've been reading his book, which expands on the theories he publishes online. If you are planning a family, read this book. If it doesn't put you off having kids (sorry - learners) nothing will.

The Met v The Rest

2006-09-21T23:23:00.000+01:00

Those of you who read the comments on my posts will note that some of our friends from the Met have talked about the offence of TDA and contemptuously referring to "those up North" who use the phrase TWOC.

Both these acronyms relate to the offence of Taking a Conveyance Without Consent (Section 12 Theft Act 1968)

TDA stands for "Taking and Driving Away". Can I just point out to all you Met boys and girls that nowhere in this legislation does it refer to "driving away"? It refers to Taking WithOut Consent (hence TWOC). TWOC can be committed without driving away. Boats are conveyances - no-one "drives" a boat.

Perhaps in the old days of the Larceny Act there was some reference to "driving away"? If so, don't you think it's time you caught up with the rest of the country and used the current legislation for your acronym as well?

There - got that off my chest! Stand by as loads of regular readers log out for ever.

Now another sergeant.

2006-09-19T20:09:00.000+01:00

At last, I've got some support. It has been difficult to cope with the supervisory responsibility of all those PCs blogging away without a care. Now Sergeant Says has joined the ranks, together with Inspector Gadget, it's almost like our own little section station.

Sgt Says is on the sidebar - stand by for hilarious exchanges about custody suites and PDRs.

If I had more time, I would start to sort my sidebar into rank order. Unfortunately, I have a life to lead!

Anyone from the CPS out there?

2006-09-18T21:57:00.000+01:00

If you are, perhaps you can explain something to me?

Read this story about a car thief who stole a car, then killed a grandmother after driving dangerously.

He was sentenced to life, which, due to the wonders of modern justice, means he is eligible to apply for parole in just over four years.

He was found guilty of causing death by dangerous driving, aggravated vehicle taking and the heinous crimes of driving without a licence or insurance.

In the report, we are told that our poor misunderstood villain stole the car by threatening the owner with a screwdriver.

Now - as you may know, to get promoted to Inspector requires the passing of a law exam. One of the subjects that is tested is the Theft Act 1968. Now I assume that the CPS solicitors study law exams as well and I don't think it is unreasonable to expect that they have a quick look at this piece of legislation.

So could one of you explain to me why the CPS for this area have all missed the chapter that covers Section 8 of the Act? The reason I ask is that I can't for the life of me see why the hell this low-life wasn't charged with robbery?

Another woman

2006-09-18T17:39:00.000+01:00

The diversity workshops are obviously working.

Another female officer has entered into the blogging world, determined to even things up.

Welcome to "Another Bloody Grumpy Copper" also known as PC Bitseach. She's on the sidebar as well.

I'm going to put a proper post in soon - promise!

Beckham's hair - further update

2006-09-06T23:05:00.000+01:00

Remember this article I posted about an attempt to raise money for a good cause on eBay

I'm told that the person who won the auction hasn't paid and may well have registered with false details. If that person is reading this post, then you won't be surprised to learn that I think you are a disgrace!

I can't understand the mentality of someone who would do such a thing - perhaps "Oxfamhelpsyou" would like to make a comment and explain their actions? Somehow I doubt it.

Anyway, the hair will be placed back on eBay and hopefully someone will enter into the spirit of things and place a genuine bid.

Back to the revision - it really is getting tedious now!

Back now!

2006-09-02T20:46:00.000+01:00

Nothing too exciting in this post, just to let you know I've returned safely from Europe, with a bit of a tan and a bruised and battered credit card. It would be nice to have a pay rise about now to offset the expense, but it looks like we'll all have to wait a little bit longer.

I won't be writing much until after 12 Sept, as I am under orders to do some serious cramming for Part 1 of the Inspectors exam. When I do get chance, I have to get something off my chest about heterophobia.

Speak to you all soon!

Holidays

2006-08-17T14:10:00.000+01:00

Yes it's that time of year again!

I'm off on holiday, so unless I find a wi-fi connection, you won't be
hearing from me for a while.

When I get back, I've got some serious cramming to do for the
Inspectors exam, so my online time should be curtailed.

Keep in touch!

Bluetooth warning

2006-08-11T15:47:00.000+01:00

I bet all of you with Bluetooth devices have done this?

If not, next time you are in a crowded place, try exploring how many others have got a Bluetooth phone switched on.

Then look at the names they give to their devices.

I'm sat in a room with several Nokia 6230s and one or two Samsungs. There is a Kevin and a Toni.

I wonder which one of you is King Dong? Probably the man with the big mouth craving attention. Is that your Porsche parked outside? If so, I would hazard a guess that your genitalia would give grounds for a prosecution under the Trades Descriptions Act.

I can't imagine why anyone would want to be known as Bumboy United?

How many of you have made sure that no-one else can use your phone? I'm too honest to try, but I wouldn't be surprised if most of you leave yourself open to having all and sundry furtle through your files.

That's the end of this safety announcement - now to find where 36EE is sitting!

A diversity breakthrough

2006-08-10T07:53:00.000+01:00

At last, the male dominated world of police blogs has a new perspective.

PC Bloggs is a female officer from somewhere in the UK - she's a bit coy about where.

I have no idea why there is a shortage of female bloggers - perhaps most of them have much better things to do? After all, Big Brother and Celebrity Love Island are on telly, not forgetting Coronation Street, Emmerdale, EastEnders and all the other tripe that passes for televisual entertainment!

Anyway PC Bloggs - welcome to our world. Now get the kettle on!*

*(Before any of you accuse me of being sexist, this is my attempt at humour and irony and should not be construed as being derogatory. Now excuse me while I go and do the hoovering)

Bye Bye Semper Fi

2006-08-08T23:20:00.000+01:00

Another Police blog has bit the dust.

Semper Fi has announced his retirement from the blogosphere and therefore his link has been removed from the sidebar.

If you're viewing Semper, feel free to make comments on the rest of the police blogs.

Essex officers aren't happy!

2006-08-08T23:12:00.000+01:00

If you are reading this, then you may already be aware of the discontent that is spreading around the Essex constabulary.

For those of you who haven't seen the Police Oracle forum topic on the subject, click this link and go and have a look for yourself.

Road tolls proposed

2006-08-06T23:44:00.000+01:00

BBC NEWS | UK | Nationwide road tolls 'outlined'

And who will be the ones who end up paying? Yes, the same mugs who pay for their cars, their insurance, their licences, their MOTs and their vehicle excise licence.

What will happen to the significant minority who don't feel any obligation to adhere to the motoring laws? That's right, they'll continue to use the roads with impunity, safe in the knowledge that the chances of getting caught are small and even if they are, the courts won't do a damn thing.

If tolls are introduced, then could some of the funds be put towards traffic officers? No, not those HATOs (who do a fine, but limited, job) but real life fully trained and empowered police officers. If you travel the roads as regularly as I do, you'll be amazed at the complete lack of police presence on the motorways and A-roads.

Speed cameras don't catch bad drivers, uninsured drivers or drunk drivers. The only way to make the roads safe is to have a visible and powerful deterrent.

Beckham's hair - update

2006-08-05T22:11:00.000+01:00

Further to my earlier post

The latest bid is now £51, which either proves that the ebay community are extremely generous, or there are a lot of people out there with more money than sense!

The warm and cuddly part of me would like to think it is the former.

(Anyone who thinks I'm trying to boost my reader count by putting Beckham in my posts, thereby increasing the chances of a Google hit, are very cynical indeed)

Beckham's hair

2006-08-05T20:47:00.000+01:00

This is not a blog about hairdressing. My knowledge of the subject is directly proportional to the amount of hair I have left.

I was browsing through my local paper and saw a story about a young lad who was a mascot at the World Cup. I thought I'd seen his face before, then recalled that his mum works for West Mids Police. There was an article about him in the force newspaper. You can read the article on Page 3 of the July issue of Newsbeat by clicking this link.

Anyway, young Josh has now had his hair cut and the trimmings are being sold on ebay for charity.

If you want to own some hair that David Beckham has ruffled, you can either start stalking Victoria, or go to ebay and bid. I would seriously worry about anyone who bought this hair for any other reason than to help raise money.

Did I tell you that someone from Big Brother once walked through the same airport as me? Wanna buy my shoes??

You couldn't make this up

2006-08-04T22:46:00.000+01:00

Sorry to pinch the name of one of my colleague's blogs, but there really is no other way to describe my opinion of this article from the Wolverhampton Express and Star.

Fence spikes 'a risk to vandals'

Aug 3, 2006

Spikes on top of a security fence to keep vandals away from a pensioners' club must be sawn off in case a yob gets hurt.

The move comes two months after the spikes and railings were put up by the council to combat attacks on the Lower Gornal Darby & Joan Club in Abbey Street.

It is claimed the decision has been taken to prevent any costly compensation claims. There are also fears that extra tall people could injure themselves on the spikes 6ft above ground.

It is the latest by council bosses to be branded "health and safety gone mad".

Former Gornal councillor Ken Finch has been involved with the club for the past 25 years. "What gets me is that it was the council who put the fence up in the first place," he said.

"The safety officers have said that's not right though. They said if these vandals climb up and they are injured, the council will be responsible for any claims.

"Before, we used to get attacked almost every week, but since we've had the fence up there have been no problems."

Darby & Joan Club member Bob Pearce said: "It's just health and safety gone mad. It was put up to stop vandals but now they say the spikes have got to come down in case somebody gets hurt."

Louts have waged a war of terror on the club in recent years. Many organisations had stopped hiring it.

Dudley Council spokes-man Phil Parker said: "The footings on the original construction were not carried out to our satisfaction.

"While this work is carried out we are taking the opportunity to modify the design of the fence to further improve safety."

Mr Parker said the modifications would remove the potential danger of people injuring themselves.

I'm just speechless!

Parking Mad

2006-08-04T19:04:00.000+01:00

The BBC Money Programme is about to do an episode on the amount of money raised by parking enforcement companies.

Why can't motorists get it into their heads that if they kept to the rules, these companies would very quickly go out of business? Unfortunately, this would also mean that Bill Sticker would have to find an alternative career.

TJF in Scotland as well, apparently

2006-08-02T23:10:00.000+01:00

Found a newish blogger who is now added to the sidebar

Take a look at The Job's Not What It Was and get the view from north of the border.

The phrase "Same shit, different place" springs to mind

Ashamed

2006-08-02T21:44:00.000+01:00

I've not been inspired to post for a while, hence the lack of material, but that has changed tonight.

I'm watching the Panorama special on the hooliganism that took place in Germany during the World Cup.

I can't say it makes me proud to be English and I'm sure there are people from other countries with the same view.

For those of you outside the job who also watched Panorama - those people you saw purporting to be England football fans are the same scum that we have to deal with every weekend on a high street near you.

And you wonder why we moan?

The blogger in chief

2006-07-22T15:11:00.000+01:00

I know one of my fellow cop bloggers has already mentioned it, but I think it is worthy of as much publicity as possible.

Having read the first few entries of Chief Constable's Blog by the chief of North Wales Police, Richard Brunstrom, I have to say I admire his bravery! He has openly criticised the Home Office and also admitted that he is "drowning in paper!"

Well join the club, boss. The important question is, what are you going to do about it?

Unfortunately, there is no RSS feed to the blog, but in the spirit of constabulary comradeship, I've sent the chief a note, congratulating him on his innovation and suggesting he might add a feed so we can all keep in touch. I won't add him to the blogroll just yet, in case he gets a visit from Professional Standards and is threatened into closing down!!

Commenting change

2006-07-17T18:24:00.000+01:00

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

I've saved all the old comments - I'm now trying to find a way to insert them in the right place.

Flattered

2006-07-17T16:25:00.000+01:00

For the benefit of Ritika, who is reading this and other police blogs in the hope of finding true love.

My vital statistics remain classified, but I can confirm that I am very happily spoken for and I am not in the market. Having been a member of the Divorce Club once before, I have no intention of renewing my membership. You also mentioned something about biological clocks, which in my mind means babies and my baby-making equipment has been tampered with. Does the word "Jaffa" mean anything to you?

If you really want to date a police officer, please bear in mind the following.

1 You can guarantee that the night you planned a romantic dinner a deux will be the night your partner gets called in early.

2 You can also guarantee that the afternoon you plan a little trip out with your lover will be the afternoon they are kept on duty.

3 It goes without saying that the day you want to spend doing something extremely exciting is the day after your other half finishes nights and they will be too knackered to do anything but sleep.

4 If you are still in the market, try visiting the Uniform Dating web site. If all else fails, there might be a nice traffic warden going spare.

The donkey appears to have disappeared

2006-07-16T23:16:00.000+01:00

The Law is a Donkey has been removed from the sidebar as Old William appears to have pulled the plug.

If the donkey is out there and makes a return, could someone let me know?

Crime victims told to ring police call centre

2006-07-15T23:59:00.000+01:00

If you click the link on the title, it should take you to a Daily Mail article about people visiting stations in the Thames Valley Police area. Visitors who wish to report a crime are directed to pick up a phone and get in touch with one of two call centres in TVP, as opposed to an officer at the station dealing with the report.

This system has upset a few people, who believe that they should be dealt with at the front desk. These are probably the same people who complain that there are no officers on the beat and it took three hours for an officer to call round to investigate the theft of a pint of milk off the doorstep.

At first glance, you think it would be quite reasonable to expect to see a police officer in a police station, or at least a member of police staff? Unfortunately, 99% of the population have mobile phones and a large proportion of them seem to use their phones exclusively to call the police to sort their lives out. This means that a huge number of people have to be employed to answer the phones. Whenever there is a collision on the motorway, you can expect at least 20 calls on the 999 system. All these need to be answered.

To compound matters, the government, in their infinite wisdom, have set all forces a target to answer all calls within a certain time limit. Due to the unhealthy obsession that chiefs seem to have with these targets, this means that they feel obliged to set up massive call centres to ensure that 90% of calls are answered within three microseconds of it being connected (there is a rumour that the government will change the target so that calls have to be answered before they are even made, thereby saving the caller the effort of dialling. Anyone with a qualification in telepathy should make a fortune, but you knew that already)

Although there is a target time in which to answer the call, there is no target concerning the quality of service that the caller receives. It's all very well having a call answered quickly, but if you are then fobbed off within the next 20 seconds so the operator can answer another call, it doesn't really satisfy people, does it?

Back to the subject. Because there are all these people in call centres, they have to justify their existence. It also means that there aren't as many people in the front office to deal with visitors. TVP have come up with what they believe is the perfect solution. The beauty of it is that all those calls from the front office are internal calls, which are not subject of targets,so if it gets busy because a couple of eight-year olds have just walked down a road wearing hoodies, the call centre can ignore the calls from the front offices and make sure that the external calls are answered.

The next part of the problem is that when the calls are all answered, logged and promised a response, it falls to an ever-dwindling band of officers to deal with an ever-increasing demand. Calls to the police have increased exponentially over the last thirty years, but the numbers available to deal with them haven't gone up by the same amount. It doesn't take a mathematical genius to work out the solution to this equation. As you all know, there are no mathematical geniuses in the government. The only things they can add up are their expenses claims - even those have a certain element of fiction about them.

The police are now trapped in a vicious circle. The only way to increase resources is to demonstrate that there is an operational need. This means that forces have to make sure they record each and every crime and incident that occurs, to show how much demand there is. By making it easier for people to call in or phone the police, the number of calls increases and people report stuff that they would ordinarily have sorted out themselves. This in turn leads to more calls of the "my neighbour has been giving me filthy looks" variety. Resources are allocated to domestic violence units, antisocial behaviour units and other little task forces, to sort out all these issues, leaving less officers on the front line. Because no-one can rely on seeing an officer on patrol who they can discuss their problems with, they end up making a call to the police. It goes on and on, but the fly in the ointment is that, regardless of how many targets the government introduce, how many initiatives they devise, how many amnesties they instigate, the one thing that they won't do is have the courage to increase the number of officers by sufficient to make a significant difference.

Labour will make a big issue of the fact that numbers have gone up from around 128000 officers to about 140000 officers during their time in office. This works out to be around 280 officers per force. These extra officers aren't all on duty at the same time, so it is obvious that this increase will have next to no effect on results. Give us another 60000 colleagues and we might start to make an impression on some of those long lists of unactioned jobs.

I think this makes up for not posting for a while, doesn't it?

New link

2006-07-06T17:30:00.000+01:00

On the sidebar is a link to Mr Chalk's blog

Being married to a secondary teacher who works in an inner city school, I have a lot of sympathy with his views.

If you really want to know what happens to your little cherubs when you thought they were being nurtured and developed at school, take a look.

Was it something I said? - Part 2

2006-07-05T19:11:00.000+01:00

I think I've solved the problem.

It appears that Blogger somehow managed to delete half of my template, including the code that feeds the stats counter.

Normal service should now be resumed.

Thanks to all those who responded and as I've said before - back up your template!!

It's the same the whole world over

2006-07-05T00:06:00.000+01:00

For those police officers in the UK who think we are hard done to - it happens in other countries as well.

Mrs Still and I met up with some of her relatives from New Zealand, who are here on a visit. As usual, the conversation got on to what people do for a living.

After I revealed what I did, we had the usual round of "watch what you say and don't drink too much" comments, then my wife's cousin told us how the New Zealand police are restricted by political correctness and are in fear of complaints if they investigate allegations made against members of certain ethnic minorities.

In addition, some serious offences have been committed by members of a certain racial group, but due to some strange legal precedent, the police can't touch them. It is all dealt with by the elders of the group.

Talking to him, it became clear that there isn't much difference between the two countries when it comes to political interference.

Think about it before you move out there!